As a student at Pitzer College in Claremont, California, my sunny SoCal location offered me easy access to many exciting destinations. Like Vegas, which was only 4 hours away.
During the spring break of my junior year, most of my friends - who were seniors - were dedicated to staying at home and working on their theses. We went to Joshua Tree for a night, but other than that, it was home, home, home. That Thursday, though, I mentioned Vegas to Kirsten. And Kevin. And Michael, though in the end, Michael was not as blindly enthusiastic about the proposal as the rest of us.
By 5:00, Kirsten, Kevin, and I were off. That night I learned many valuable Vegas lessons:
Number 1. It is very difficult to get free drinks while playing slots on the strip.
Number 2. If you are staying at the Imperial Palace, be warned that their idea of a "view of the strip" means a view of the warehouses next door.
Number 3. If you are staying at the Imperial Palace, also be warned that while admiring your view of the warehouses next door from your balcony, the door may shut and lock behind you. Leaving you stranded on your 17th floor balcony with a poor view.
Number 4. If you are gambling at the Imperial Palace and find yourself on a winning streak, know that the casino managers will card your baby-faced friends, switch out your dealer for one who will offer you more winnings, and huddle in front of your table whispering - even if you are unfailingly playing the minimum.
Number 5. If you are gambling at the Imperial Palace, you may find yourself in the company of Christina Aguilera - because she will be dealing cards for you. However, she may be forced to leave so that she can perform, leaving you afraid for your life as a creepy Lionel Richie looks to take her place.
The next semester - before my senior year really got underway - another Vegas excursion presented itself to me. Though my plans for the day had been only to get delicious Patty's burritos with Terri and sit around 'til it was time to play some ball with Kevin and Michael, I should have known adventures were on the way once Hamlet 2, bowling, and polyamory got thrown into that mix. After donning our basketball gear in preparation for our last planned activity for the night, Kevin, Terri, and I decided - while Michael used the restroom - that we'd rather go to Vegas. This time, Michael was in, and we were off and ready for fun despite our 8pm departure. Once again, I learned many a secret about Vegas.
Number 6. Vegas Downtown is far more colorful, bright, and fun than the strip.
Number 7. According to testimony, there exists somewhere in Downtown a fancy Wizard-of-Oz slot machine that will induce a drug-like adventure complete with rumbling seats and Glenda the Good Witch.
Number 8. While watching your friends play craps, it is best to stagger the ordering of drinks amongst yourselves. That way, you can finish your drink while the waitress fills other orders and be ready to order another once she is back.
Number 9. While watching your friends play craps, it is also polite to shower everyone at the table with innumerable cheek-kisses.
Number 10. If you are asleep in your shared hotel room, one of your friends will not hesitate to poop in front of your other friends who are hiding out in the bathroom in an attempt to allow you sleep. These other friends may then throw water on said offender, causing you all to be mighty damp the next morning.
Number 11. The scrambled eggs at the Four Queens are not eggs. They may be rubber, they may be glue, but they are most certainly not eggs.
Number 12. Do not attempt to attend a Carrow Family India party immediately after returning from your trip. It will not bode well for your stomach, your head, or your physical well-being in general.
And that, my friends, is what I learned from living a mere 3 hours away from Vegas. Now that I'm on the East Coast, I'll have to find a new destination to offer me such an extensive education. But I hear you learn something new each day, so I think I'll be fine for now.
No comments:
Post a Comment