The Time My Fake Band Turned Real

So many of you may not know this, but I am in a world-famous rock band. We are called Niptuck Bruiser and I play the drums and am the rapper. Cara is the singer, Jessica is the bass player (because she has the biggest hands), Sarah plays the keytar, Caroline plays the triangle, Sophie plays the digeridoo, and Mandi plays a tiny harmonica. Like Disney movies, our albums are currently in the vault, but we have a number of them. Through the years, band members have come and gone, but every year, those of our band members who are available make an appearance at my summer camp where we are mean to little kids.




Our band, however.....is fake. It all started when Cara, Jess, Sarah, and I were sitting in Sorrento's Pizza in Catonsville and realized that we were such an incredibly pretty group of girls that we should probably be in a band. We called ourselves The Bruisers and assigned instruments and funny accents for each of us. The "Niptuck" bit got added when we went home that night to watch the amazingly trashy Paradise Hotel and were astounded by the graphic commercials for a new soft-core-porn-slash-slasher-show called Nip/Tuck. Since then we have dressed up for our campers every year, but we haven't really played any shows or recorded anything.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I discover that our band actually exists in boy form. They are called The Polygons and - though they are lacking a digeridoo, tiny harmonica, and triangle - they are a real-life incarnation of our band.
I met the members of this band while out dancing at Magerks in Federal Hill. Cara and Kate noticed this guy in the room singing along to every single song and told me to dance with him. And once he started doing the lawnmower, how could I resist? Turns out, his name is Lee and he is the drummer for the Polygons. He has since told me that he is also a rapper, but I like to think of him as a liar and that would just be creepy, besides.

Anyway, Lee is the drummer for this band...big deal, right? Except that he then tells me about Ed, who plays the bass and Parker, who plays the keytar.
AND. Though they don't have funny accents like those of us in my fake band, Ed is Mexican and Lee is Irish - making them a real band with nearly the same multicultural status as our fake band.

Perhaps next year, we will invite the Polygons to come play at our camp. They can open for Niptuck Bruiser. After all, while they are a real-life band, let's not forget that NTB is still a world-famous band.