Book Report

In middle school, I became a huge fan of KoRn. As an impressionable 12-year-old who was trying to figure herself out, the band offered me an identity. I didn't have to fawn over the Backstreet Boys like all the girls at my school, and I didn't have to turn to Hanson just to be different (because, let's face it, the two weren't ever all that different). I could listen to KoRn and other rock bands and be all cool and alternative. And while I don't make it a point to be freaky and different anymore, I like to think that my love for alternative interests has stuck with me, so - silly as it may be - I give a lot of credit to KoRn for helping me become the quirky, lovable girl I am today.

For anyone who is not up on their current pop culture trivia, the lead guitarist of KoRn, Brian "Head" Welch, recently became a born-again Christian and published a book (Save Me From Myself) about his trials with KoRn and how he found God. Of course, since KoRn had had such an impact on my life, it only seems right that I read Head's book about KoRn's impact on his life.   

Let me start off by mentioning that I would not actually recommend this book to anyone. I love this guy Head and what he did for KoRn and all, but, considering that he graduated from high school long ago, I can't say that he's a good writer. 

Poor prose aside, Head's journey through his addiction to meth and his final commitment to God is interesting material to ponder. He gives an interesting description of speaking in tongues that certainly made me rethink the practice (as in, I don't think it's just people being crazy and yelling gibberish anymore, but instead, I think that those who partake in tongues are undergoing a legitimate religious experience). 

He also talks about how by turning his life around, he's lost his addiction to meth and is now addicted to God. He's living his whole life for God. Whatever Head might want for himself is irrelevant; the Lord makes his decisions for him, now. While I think it's great that Head has found something better to live for and is finally happy with his life, I don't agree with his kind of faith. I don't think that - if God truly created the world and we are each one of His children - His desire was for every person to devote her life to Him. I don't think that a desire such as that is love. I think it is entirely selfish and I don't think that this God should ever be described as "selfish."

Personally, I believe in some sort of God. Maybe it's just because I don't like the idea that we're out here in the universe on our own, or perhaps it's remnants from my nine years of Catholic schooling, but I don't think there's any way to truly rule out the possibility that a God exists. When I think of this God, though, I don't think that I need to live my life for him. I think of God as a parent, someone who loves me and wants me to make the right decisions and grow into a good person. Sure, I believe that God can punish me if I do something terribly wrong and I'll pray to God for things that are really important to me. However - just like my mom doesn't mind when I forget to thank her for all that she does - I don't think God gets her panties all in a bunch if I forget to pray every day. I think God created me (not in a creationism sense - I believe in evolution) so that I could have my own life, my own adventures, and my own happiness. I think that it's through my own experience of my life, which God hopes I live as a moral, upstanding person, that God finds happiness. Sure, I shouldn't kill anyone, but the decisions I make regarding what organized religion to follow (or not), or who to love, or whatever are part of the path I've forged for myself and I believe that God will support me in whatever endeavor I undertake.

So I think it's great that Head got himself out of his meth addiction and has found a love for God. But I think that attaching himself so completely to this God is also unhealthy. As far as I see it, Head is still trying to shirk responsibility for himself. As hard as it may be to take responsibility, I think that responsibility is part of what makes life so much more worthwhile. Personally, I think I've been given a life so that I can find my own happiness and self-worth. And maybe God will help me on that path, but she's not going to dictate it for me (nor should she) and she's not going to disown me for choosing a different one. I like to think she's got my back and she'll protect me and love me for who I am as her child and, more importantly, as an individual.

Sorry that turned into more of a sermon than a book report. I hope I don't sound preachy. Them's my thoughts, though.

You're So Silly, America!

Last weekend, a search through the Catonsville branch of the Baltimore County Public Library for some book title that has since been forgotten led me to a memoir-esque book detailing the adventures of two Englishmen as they crossed the US breaking numerous "dumb laws." Though the book initially sounded interesting, turns out they had plans only to break 25 laws total, and thus far have been unable to break at least 8 of them. The lack of truly interesting material can be forgiven, however, because this book has inspired me to do my own cross-country crime spree. Sure, it's unoriginal and cliche, but it sounds like such an adventure, I have to do it.

So, my tentative itinerary is as follows:

Maryland

1. Stand in a public park in a sleeveless shirt.

2-3. Curse and then spit on the sidewalk within Baltimore City limits.

New Jersey

4. Pass people without warning on the interstate.

5. Frown at a police officer.

New York

6-7. Stand on the street wearing "body hugging clothing" while greeting someone by putting my thumb to my nose and wiggling my fingers.

7-9. Eat an ice cream cone on the sidewalk while wearing high heels and standing next to a man in a jacket that does not match his pants in Carmel.

Pennsylvania

10. Sing in a bathtub.

Ohio

11. Wear patent leather shoes.

Michigan

12. Swear in front of a woman or child.

Wisconsin

13. Cut a woman's hair.

14. Wave a burning torch in the air.

15. Wear something red in public in St. Croix.

16. Put litter into someone else's trash receptacle without their express permission in Hudson.

Minnesota

17. Stand around outside a building with no good reason to be there.

18. Sleep naked.

North Dakota

19. Lie down and fall asleep with my shoes on.

20. Wear a hat while dancing in Fargo.

Montana

21. Go fishing alone.

22-23. Worry squirrels and throw hard objects by hand in Excelsior Springs.

Washington

24. Destroy the beer cask or bottle of someone else.

25. Eat a lollipop.

Oregon

26. Leave my car door open for longer than necessary.

27. Dry my dishes with a towel.

28. Eat a donut while walking backwards on a city street in Marion.

29. Walk around with my shoes untied in Portland.

30. Make someone think that their property may be subjected to "offensive physical contact" in Portland.

California

31-32. Drive while wearing a housecoat (or a robe) at speeds in excess of 60mph.

33. Kiss a man with a mustache in Eureka.

34. Wipe my car with used underwear in San Francisco.

35. Carry my lunch down the street between 11 and 1 in Riverside.

36. Hunt moths under a streetlight in LA.

37. Throw salt on the highway in Hermosa Beach.

38. Drive my car in reverse in Glendale.

There it is - 38 laws all within easy breaking range. Of course, this roadtrip follows my ideal route, but I'm up for any adventure, really. 

Now, all I need are companions for this journey. Preferably at least one man so that he can grow a mustache and kiss me. Who's ready?!

People Who Should Really Consider Kissing Me

Or at least holding my hand.
In no particular order:

1. Mark from Empire Records
2. Josh Holloway
3. Ian Somerhalder
4. Anyone named Andrew
5. Daniel Radcliffe
6. Shia LaBeouf
7. Boys with mohawks
8. Boys with tattoos
9. The hot, androgynous girl from the Hookup
10. Keira Knightley
11. Michael Cera
12. Bike punks
13. Awkward boys

...to be continued.

Vegas Escapades

Now that I've graduated college and no longer have the awful cloud of schoolwork-I-should-be-doing looming over my head every time I do something fun, I've decided that I'm going to try blogging more. However, since I'm temporarily unemployed and living in a city where I know very few people, I may write about past adventures to make up for any lack of current adventures. This is one of those moments.


As a student at Pitzer College in Claremont, California, my sunny SoCal location offered me easy access to many exciting destinations. Like Vegas, which was only 4 hours away.

During the spring break of my junior year, most of my friends - who were seniors - were dedicated to staying at home and working on their theses. We went to Joshua Tree for a night, but other than that, it was home, home, home. That Thursday, though, I mentioned Vegas to Kirsten. And Kevin. And Michael, though in the end, Michael was not as blindly enthusiastic about the proposal as the rest of us.

By 5:00, Kirsten, Kevin, and I were off. That night I learned many valuable Vegas lessons:

Number 1. It is very difficult to get free drinks while playing slots on the strip.
Number 2. If you are staying at the Imperial Palace, be warned that their idea of a "view of the strip" means a view of the warehouses next door.
Number 3. If you are staying at the Imperial Palace, also be warned that while admiring your view of the warehouses next door from your balcony, the door may shut and lock behind you. Leaving you stranded on your 17th floor balcony with a poor view.
Number 4. If you are gambling at the Imperial Palace and find yourself on a winning streak, know that the casino managers will card your baby-faced friends, switch out your dealer for one who will offer you more winnings, and huddle in front of your table whispering - even if you are unfailingly playing the minimum.
Number 5. If you are gambling at the Imperial Palace, you may find yourself in the company of Christina Aguilera - because she will be dealing cards for you. However, she may be forced to leave so that she can perform, leaving you afraid for your life as a creepy Lionel Richie looks to take her place.

The next semester - before my senior year really got underway - another Vegas excursion presented itself to me. Though my plans for the day had been only to get delicious Patty's burritos with Terri and sit around 'til it was time to play some ball with Kevin and Michael, I should have known adventures were on the way once Hamlet 2, bowling, and polyamory got thrown into that mix. After donning our basketball gear in preparation for our last planned activity for the night, Kevin, Terri, and I decided - while Michael used the restroom - that we'd rather go to Vegas. This time, Michael was in, and we were off and ready for fun despite our 8pm departure. Once again, I learned many a secret about Vegas.

Number 6. Vegas Downtown is far more colorful, bright, and fun than the strip.
Number 7. According to testimony, there exists somewhere in Downtown a fancy Wizard-of-Oz slot machine that will induce a drug-like adventure complete with rumbling seats and Glenda the Good Witch.
Number 8. While watching your friends play craps, it is best to stagger the ordering of drinks amongst yourselves. That way, you can finish your drink while the waitress fills other orders and be ready to order another once she is back.
Number 9. While watching your friends play craps, it is also polite to shower everyone at the table with innumerable cheek-kisses.
Number 10. If you are asleep in your shared hotel room, one of your friends will not hesitate to poop in front of your other friends who are hiding out in the bathroom in an attempt to allow you sleep. These other friends may then throw water on said offender, causing you all to be mighty damp the next morning.
Number 11. The scrambled eggs at the Four Queens are not eggs. They may be rubber, they may be glue, but they are most certainly not eggs.
Number 12. Do not attempt to attend a Carrow Family India party immediately after returning from your trip. It will not bode well for your stomach, your head, or your physical well-being in general.

And that, my friends, is what I learned from living a mere 3 hours away from Vegas. Now that I'm on the East Coast, I'll have to find a new destination to offer me such an extensive education. But I hear you learn something new each day, so I think I'll be fine for now.

Lost, Hatch, Shirtless, Bleeding, Dead People

This weekend I moved to Brooklyn. That statement may be slightly misleading because, so far, that only means that I sleep on Cara's couch in Brooklyn and watch Lost all day long while working on a puzzle that I swear is missing a number of pieces. Though I would certainly be content to sit around always and oogle at the beautiful people that ABC somehow convinced to all join one spectacularly attractive cast, I have been searching for ways to get off this couch. That being said, if anyone knows of anyone who is looking for an apartment-mate or - more importantly - of anyone who is looking to hire me, I will bake you cookies if you hook me up.

Anyway, back to Lost. Anyone who knows me well knows that I really don't like movies or television shows or even books where things go wrong. I like my entertainment with as little plot as possible. That's why Empire Records is my favorite movie.

One might wonder then, why I would ever agree to watching all four seasons of Lost in preparation for the 5th season. A lot goes wrong in that show. And I mean a lot.

Cara and I have worked out a system, however. Some may think it ruins all the fun, but really, it just saves me immeasurable amounts of strife. You see, when a particularly beautiful cast member was killed off in the first season, it really upset me, so I went online and looked up when all my other favorite characters die. When I told Cara what I had done, she didn't scold me. Instead, she just apologized for neglecting to warn me about the beautiful boy's death. Now we have a lovely setup where she warns me anytime a situation begins to get intense. That way, it doesn't feel like my heart is going to explode with anxiety over whether someone is going to die or not. Sometimes Jon tries to trip me up by telling me that someone is going to die when they aren't, but I don't fall for his shenanigans.

The only problem now is what we will do when Season 5 finally gets here. Cara won't be able to warn me then. I'm going to try and struggle through it, but we have a backup plan in case I can't handle it.

As long as that show continues to showcase some of the most beautiful people on the planet, however, I think I will be able to survive the suspense. Plus, now that I'm working on becoming a grown-up, I guess I better start appreciating adult things. Like plot twists. And the Unknown.

I Don't Like Commitment

Amy: On a scale of 1 to 10, how often do you actually use a one or a ten to describe something?
Julian: ...Two.

In a World Stacked Against Love

It's important to me.