Showing posts with label adventure. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adventure. Show all posts

Sunday, June 14, 2009

They're Coming to Take Me Away!


Last summer, Kirsten and I drove across the country. She needed to get her car home, I love driving across the country, and we'd done it once before, so we knew we were great driving buddies.

Our first overnight stop was planned for somewhere near Flagstaff, AZ, but the forecast there was calling for heavy snow. Yes, snow. In May. We thought about detouring south, but the rest of Arizona was scheduled for severe thunderstorms, so we chatted with a guide at the visitors' center and settled on a campsite right by a town called Williams that was close to Flagstaff, but at a lower elevation.

The campsite at Williams was lovely. We set up our tent right across from a huge lake, then spent some time exploring said lake and enjoying the scenery. I happened to notice that everyone else at the campsite had decided on an RV for their camping experience, but I figured our rain cover and cozy sleeping bags would protect us from any snow [almost] just as well.

Soon, the sun began to set, and since I'm not much for reading by flashlight, I snuggled into my sleeping bag and fell asleep.

A couple hours later, I began dreaming that the military was out to get me for some reason. I ran and I ran, but they were shooting at me from all directions. My dream startled me awake, and I was welcomed to reality with an enormous booming sound, just the noise I would imagine a legion of tanks might make as it makes its way through the woods.

Though I soon got over my fear that the army was out to get me personally, I was convinced that all the noise was indeed a covert military operation through the woods of Williams, Arizona. I just knew that there was a tank brigade making its way through our campground. But then I panicked all over again. The tanks may not have had specific orders to hunt me down and kill me, but Kirsten and I were the only ones at the campground who were not in an RV; there was no way the tanks would see our dinky little tent, and we were sure to be crushed by their covert advance!

Soon, as a few minutes passed and I remained 3-dimensional, I calmed down and decided that I was just being silly. There was no secret military mission through the woods of Williams, Arizona. The noise had not stopped, though, and there had to be some explanation for the cacophony. Instead of a military maneuver, I then decided that the noise was caused by a number of trucks and helicopters swarming the campground. Of course, that explanation needed an explanation, so I decided that there must be a serial rapist-killer on the loose (perhaps one who had just escaped from custody). Again, I panicked. Kirsten and I were two little girls in a tent whose walls could easily be breached with a simple steak knife. And of course, no one would hear our screams because they were all holed up in their big RVs!

Eventually, my fatigue took over and I was able to fall asleep. Thankfully, I woke in the morning to find our tent un-slashed, uncrushed, and Kirsten and me as chaste and pure as the night before. Upon leaving the campground, Kirsten pointed out a set of train tracks that couldn't have been more than a couple hundred yards from where we had slept. Turns out there had never been any secret military operation, nor a frantic search mission, only a routine railroad run. Funny, I would have never guessed trains could be that loud.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

You're So Silly, America!

Last weekend, a search through the Catonsville branch of the Baltimore County Public Library for some book title that has since been forgotten led me to a memoir-esque book detailing the adventures of two Englishmen as they crossed the US breaking numerous "dumb laws." Though the book initially sounded interesting, turns out they had plans only to break 25 laws total, and thus far have been unable to break at least 8 of them. The lack of truly interesting material can be forgiven, however, because this book has inspired me to do my own cross-country crime spree. Sure, it's unoriginal and cliche, but it sounds like such an adventure, I have to do it.

So, my tentative itinerary is as follows:

Maryland
1. Stand in a public park in a sleeveless shirt.
2-3. Curse and then spit on the sidewalk within Baltimore City limits.

New Jersey
4. Pass people without warning on the interstate.
5. Frown at a police officer.

New York
6-7. Stand on the street wearing "body hugging clothing" while greeting someone by putting my thumb to my nose and wiggling my fingers.
7-9. Eat an ice cream cone on the sidewalk while wearing high heels and standing next to a man in a jacket that does not match his pants in Carmel.

Pennsylvania
10. Sing in a bathtub.

Ohio
11. Wear patent leather shoes.

Michigan
12. Swear in front of a woman or child.

Wisconsin
13. Cut a woman's hair.
14. Wave a burning torch in the air.
15. Wear something red in public in St. Croix.
16. Put litter into someone else's trash receptacle without their express permission in Hudson.

Minnesota
17. Stand around outside a building with no good reason to be there.
18. Sleep naked.

North Dakota
19. Lie down and fall asleep with my shoes on.
20. Wear a hat while dancing in Fargo.

Montana
21. Go fishing alone.
22-23. Worry squirrels and throw hard objects by hand in Excelsior Springs.

Washington
24. Destroy the beer cask or bottle of someone else.
25. Eat a lollipop.

Oregon
26. Leave my car door open for longer than necessary.
27. Dry my dishes with a towel.
28. Eat a donut while walking backwards on a city street in Marion.
29. Walk around with my shoes untied in Portland.
30. Make someone think that their property may be subjected to "offensive physical contact" in Portland.

California
31-32. Drive while wearing a housecoat (or a robe) at speeds in excess of 60mph.
33. Kiss a man with a mustache in Eureka.
34. Wipe my car with used underwear in San Francisco.
35. Carry my lunch down the street between 11 and 1 in Riverside.
36. Hunt moths under a streetlight in LA.
37. Throw salt on the highway in Hermosa Beach.
38. Drive my car in reverse in Glendale.

There it is - 38 laws all within easy breaking range. Of course, this roadtrip follows my ideal route, but I'm up for any adventure, really. 

Now, all I need are companions for this journey. Preferably at least one man so that he can grow a mustache and kiss me. Who's ready?!

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Vegas Escapades

Now that I've graduated college and no longer have the awful cloud of schoolwork-I-should-be-doing looming over my head every time I do something fun, I've decided that I'm going to try blogging more. However, since I'm temporarily unemployed and living in a city where I know very few people, I may write about past adventures to make up for any lack of current adventures. This is one of those moments.


As a student at Pitzer College in Claremont, California, my sunny SoCal location offered me easy access to many exciting destinations. Like Vegas, which was only 4 hours away.

During the spring break of my junior year, most of my friends - who were seniors - were dedicated to staying at home and working on their theses. We went to Joshua Tree for a night, but other than that, it was home, home, home. That Thursday, though, I mentioned Vegas to Kirsten. And Kevin. And Michael, though in the end, Michael was not as blindly enthusiastic about the proposal as the rest of us.

By 5:00, Kirsten, Kevin, and I were off. That night I learned many valuable Vegas lessons:

Number 1. It is very difficult to get free drinks while playing slots on the strip.
Number 2. If you are staying at the Imperial Palace, be warned that their idea of a "view of the strip" means a view of the warehouses next door.
Number 3. If you are staying at the Imperial Palace, also be warned that while admiring your view of the warehouses next door from your balcony, the door may shut and lock behind you. Leaving you stranded on your 17th floor balcony with a poor view.
Number 4. If you are gambling at the Imperial Palace and find yourself on a winning streak, know that the casino managers will card your baby-faced friends, switch out your dealer for one who will offer you more winnings, and huddle in front of your table whispering - even if you are unfailingly playing the minimum.
Number 5. If you are gambling at the Imperial Palace, you may find yourself in the company of Christina Aguilera - because she will be dealing cards for you. However, she may be forced to leave so that she can perform, leaving you afraid for your life as a creepy Lionel Richie looks to take her place.

The next semester - before my senior year really got underway - another Vegas excursion presented itself to me. Though my plans for the day had been only to get delicious Patty's burritos with Terri and sit around 'til it was time to play some ball with Kevin and Michael, I should have known adventures were on the way once Hamlet 2, bowling, and polyamory got thrown into that mix. After donning our basketball gear in preparation for our last planned activity for the night, Kevin, Terri, and I decided - while Michael used the restroom - that we'd rather go to Vegas. This time, Michael was in, and we were off and ready for fun despite our 8pm departure. Once again, I learned many a secret about Vegas.

Number 6. Vegas Downtown is far more colorful, bright, and fun than the strip.
Number 7. According to testimony, there exists somewhere in Downtown a fancy Wizard-of-Oz slot machine that will induce a drug-like adventure complete with rumbling seats and Glenda the Good Witch.
Number 8. While watching your friends play craps, it is best to stagger the ordering of drinks amongst yourselves. That way, you can finish your drink while the waitress fills other orders and be ready to order another once she is back.
Number 9. While watching your friends play craps, it is also polite to shower everyone at the table with innumerable cheek-kisses.
Number 10. If you are asleep in your shared hotel room, one of your friends will not hesitate to poop in front of your other friends who are hiding out in the bathroom in an attempt to allow you sleep. These other friends may then throw water on said offender, causing you all to be mighty damp the next morning.
Number 11. The scrambled eggs at the Four Queens are not eggs. They may be rubber, they may be glue, but they are most certainly not eggs.
Number 12. Do not attempt to attend a Carrow Family India party immediately after returning from your trip. It will not bode well for your stomach, your head, or your physical well-being in general.

And that, my friends, is what I learned from living a mere 3 hours away from Vegas. Now that I'm on the East Coast, I'll have to find a new destination to offer me such an extensive education. But I hear you learn something new each day, so I think I'll be fine for now.